I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
