just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
