The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Of course I have a pirate flag
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
