OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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