just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize