Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize