I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
