Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
