Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
