When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
