Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
