i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
