just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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