Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
