I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
