I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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