Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
50% drunk capacity currently
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
