how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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