My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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