would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
