took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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