there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
