buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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