Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
