i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
