Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize