You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
how drunk are you?
Several
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
