I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you win again, gameday.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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