You can't special order awesome
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
