Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
