After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize