Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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