At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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