i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
