she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
