In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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