Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
