i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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