remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
