So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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