Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
