What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
