using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Couch. On fire.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
