I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
