Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
