I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
