pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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