Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
