I think my fart just growled at me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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