Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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