There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
