420 ftw
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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