Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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