This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize