i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
