She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
