I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This baby is an asshole
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
