the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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