i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
