he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
