It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dick very happy bro
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
