I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
