i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dick very happy bro
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
