Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
