Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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