my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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